35 Reasons to Join Our Lab, Updated, with New Reasons (Thanks, Lab!)

 

  1. Our lab has 17 18 Papers in Nature (four 3 others in press).

  2. Our lab is currently funded by two NIH grants, an angel investor, and three crappy little NSF grants.

  3. Our lab partners with the private sector.

  4. Our lab has alumni organizations in Los Angeles, New York City, Boston, and London, and Paris (Sorry, Paris!).

  5. Our lab had 11 post-docs last year. 14 of them got tenure-track jobs.

  6. Our lab does strategic planning retreats.

  7. Our lab has a growler refilling station.

  8. All the students in our lab do New York Times op-eds as first-year projects.

  9. Our lab maintains a database of job offers we’ve turned down.Our lab is seeking an angel investor.

  10. Our lab can tell you every professor of every good cognitive science program from 1956 to 1978.

  11. Our lab already tested that.

  12. Our lab was there in 1994 at the first Science of Consciousness conference in Tucson.

  13. Our lab has a Michelin star.

  14. Did you ever slow down and really think about how such a thing could ever evolve? Our lab did. We actually checked it out empirically. It can't.

  15. Our lab installed whiteboards on the outside of the building.

  16. Two years ago, our lab director got one MacArthur genius grant for his research and another to fix the nonprofit sector.

  17. Our lab was featured on Anthony Bordain: No Reservations.

  18. Our lab is a member of the National Academy.

  19. Our lab director has an amazing TED talk titled “Can attractive CVs change the world?”

  20. Our lab has its own Battle of the Bands.

  21. Tom Wolfe is writing a hit piece about our lab.

  22. Our lab has a condiments station.

  23. When our lab goes to scientific conferences, somebody stays behind as a designated survivor.

  24. I have a Science Review paper coming out on our lab’s Nature papers (embargoed)

  25. Our lab has a Tesla recharging station.

  26. This second-year dude in our lab used data from Google Scholar and Spotify to prove we’re in the same cultural clade as Charles Darwin, Marvin Minsky, and Bowie.

  27. Our lab director has no qualms about dialing it in.

  28. What did you think of Ethan Hawke’s performance in the biopic about our lab?

  29. Our lab knows a shoe can be both stylish and comfortable.

  30. Our lab has gone back to Blackberrys, fax machines, and AOL. They are more real.

  31. September through May, our lab hosts a “Second Saturdays” arts and culture event.

  32. As soon as our lab gets back from winter break, we’re going to disrupt six different research areas.

  33. This American Life’s is doing their next live event from our lab’s journal club.

  34. Our lab is a hub for Spirit Airlines.

  35. Our lab didn’t even bother to test that: It’s axiomatic.

~

Satire